On a Wire

More than once in my life I have said that things can only get better. I find myself in that spot again. Last summer was rough: high-risk, complicated pregnancy, unemployed husband, home foreclosure looming, record drought/heat and working as much as I could to pay bills. I cried more than I ever have and was so humbled by help from friends and family. I feel very sad that most of our family did very little. I just don't know what we would have done without my parents. I do not know how I will ever repay them. Our dear sweet Priest reminds everyone to pray for their parents, I certainly do.  Hubby was underemployed again this year. We have not fully supported ourselves in well over a year. He is employed, but he does not start work until August and we don't get a full paycheck until the end of September. Most summers I work more, but every place I work has been slow (people working 1/2 days or only working 4 days a week). Our 2 year old refrigerator is not working. Thankfully, we have a deep freeze and ice chests until pay day. I havn't slept well in over a week. We are on a payment plan for our utilities and I have been making payments, or so I thought... One of my electronic payments didn't post so now we owe $1,400.00+. My paycheck will not cover it so I called and asked for help again.
Can things get worse? Certainly! Have things been better? Absolutely! I have been saying a Chaplet of Divine Mercy when I wake up, I know that I need to Trust Jesus. We need to discern what else to do to get our lives back on track.

Sleep

Somnolence
Lingering
Elusive
Enjoyable
Praying

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary. About this time thirteen years ago I was getting my nails done at a walk-in salon at Lamar Square. Lamar Square is currently a giant hole in the ground. Most of Lamar Blvd from Barton Springs is a construction zone, I drive up and down that street almost daily and except for this one shopping center, I don't remember what they tore down. The gentrification has it's positive and negatives. Hopefully, more store fronts will make the ones we already have less crowded. More apartments without more grocery stores will compound the crazy-busy grocery store problem we already have. Since I have lived in South Austin, two grocery stores have closed and one has expanded. I can not even guess how many new homes and apartments/condos have been built in our part of town. Our HEB is always busy. I shop late at night because any other time of day is unbearable for my busy bee brain.
Thirteen years have moved along at a fully indescribable pace. Our Number One Son is middle-school aged, how did this happen so quickly? Number Four Daughter is sitting, crawling and cruising, simply unbelievable! I started blogging as a way to catalog our food allergy recipes, so family and friends would have some idea of what the kids can eat. Hubby uses it, but we are still pretty much on our own at family gatherings, even after 11 years of dealing with multiple food allergies. I also wanted an outlet for frustrations. Most of the time when I would sit down to blow off steam, something else would happen. I would see the bright side of things. The time moving slowly part of our lives mostly has to do with money. Disability, job loss, healthcare regulation changes, underemployment and increasing expenses weigh heavily on me. There are so many things I can let go, but when you don't have money to go anywhere besides work and the grocery store (we can walk to church if we are running low on gas money) it makes the days, weeks, months feel so much longer.
I had the conversation with a friend last week that I have had with others, including our Priest: how do we know if this is earthly suffering, bad choices or depression? Today I count my blessings: Hubby, my sweet honey bear who knows how to love me everyday; Number One Son, who gives me daily joy with his resilient attitude; Number One Daughter who challenges me to see things in different ways; Number Two Son with his bright eyes, loving, helpful heart and big hugs; Number Two and Three Daughters praying for us while in the arms of Jesus and Number Three Daughter who reminds me every day that miracles are real and God doesn't give you what you can't handle.
I won't be getting my nails done today. We will all go out for ice cream to celebrate the birthday of our family.
"Happy Anniversary to us, happy anniversary to us, happy anniversary to our family! Happy anniversary to us!"

Siblings

I went to a friend's wedding right after I got out of graduate school. It was a moving and beautiful weekend. What I witnessed profoundly changed how I viewed sibling relationships. I had known brothers and sisters who were friendly and nice to each other, but the bond I saw between the Bride and her brother was different. I thought, some day I want that for my children too.
I have two sisters, three girls growing up in a tiny house with different interests and aptitudes. When we were young, we played together. I remember our electric Hot Wheels track, Barbies, Operation, UNO, Go Fish, Mad Libs and backyard softball. I'm not sure when things changed. I remember fighting, feeling bossed around and very lonely.
Fast forward 30 years. I have seen numerous sets of siblings show me what it really means to be family. My friend who's oldest sister moved her other sister, brother-in-law and two teenagers in with her when her sister was diagnosed with a devastating neurological condition; the twice widowed stroke survivor who lived independently because her sister and brother-in-law lived next door; the 98 year old sister feeding and pushing her 104 year old brother around in the nursing home and the construction worker brother transforming into nurse, secretary, bank and chauffeur for his brother battling cancer.
I have had several conversations with my mother why my sisters don't help each other (or me) like our cousins? I want to be positive and believe that things can still change, but above all else, I will do whatever I can do so that my children love and support each other until the day we all meet up in Heaven.

SXSW

I Still Can't Believe It!

Every day since November 7, 2012, I look into this angelic face and sit in utter disbelief. I wake up in the middle of the night and I smile that God has given us this little miracle. Thank You Jesus!

The Not-So-Good Comes With Thanks

Hubby has been working since the second week of September. This is a very good thing! The not-so-good thing is that he will not get paid until the end of October! I am thankful that it is just a few days away.
I worked the past three weekends, another good thing. Almost all of the money I earned was spent on a bed. I had no choice, my soft-side-money-pit-leaky-moldy-waterbed had to go. Sleeping on an air mattress for the last few months has been miserable. Now I am very thankful to have a real bed, I'm hoping that my creaky neck and back agree with my choice of mattress.
Hubby finally got paid for a couple of days of work he did at the end of August. That bought us gas and him a bus pass so we could save gas money to and from work. I think it also bought an undetermined amount of lottery tickets, desperate times often lead to desperate measures. I think Hubby also got a pound or so of premium coffee out of that paycheck, I'm sure he is thankful for a few days of coffee that he chose, not just coffee that I bought because it was on sale.
Going to the grocery store is just as stressful as it always has been. We have to make our grocery budget stretch until the 9th of the month. Thankfully, we will have two paychecks before then.
I am still checking things off my list before I will be ready for baby girl to arrive. I have paperwork to do at the office, I need to vote, print and fax insurance and mortgage paperwork, I have food to prepare/freeze and then we are good to go!

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. "When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes."

I found out about October 15th Day of Rememberance on 10/15/09, the day I was told that, "You had what we call a 'missed miscarriage.'" Our baby was born to Heaven a few days later. It was the beginning of a devastating period of our lives. Two years later on 11/9/11, more devastating news, another miscarriage.

Tonight at our Church we will have a Prayer Service and Rosary for all babies born too soon.  I have been praying and praying that we have people show up. It is in God's hands now, but our two little Saints are interceding for us and know how important it is for families to not feel sad forever.

A little bit of Heaven

Came to both of you one day,

Then soon this little breath of God

Was suddenly snatched away;

The joy you built within your hearts

Has now turned into grief,

You feel that nothing found in life

Could ever bring relief.

Nay, parents, if you'll meditate

You'll find it otherwise,

The grief you have is really

But a blessing in disguise;

The waters of eternal life,

Have freed your babe of taint,

`Twas meant by God that you

Should be the parents of a saint.

Sister Mary Assunta, OSF 1962

What We Need

We have been blessed with gifts of so many things. Hubby's current job pays significantly less than his last one and much, much less than the one before that. We have food (Thanks be to God!) we can pay our utility and phone bills, Hubby's health insurance and medication as long as I work. If I don't work, we pray and rely on prayers from others. Gifts show up when we need them most and almost believe there is no hope. When the bank account is empty, we can't buy gas, laundry or dishwashing soap/detergent, paper towels, toilet paper, kitty litter, soap, shampoo, toothpaste, plastic wrap, foil, flea drops, chicken food, baggies, trash bags -- anything that is not food.
It has been the most humbling experience of our lives. Today Hubby and I recalled how many jobs he applied for and how few follow-ups to dead ends we encountered. I never imagined that I would have to take my beloved children to a public health clinic (This week, I spent 2 hours waiting for someone to no-show because there were no appointments available and my Number Two Son was sick). I never imagined that we would lose our private health insurance. Health insurance is not a luxury for a family with food allergies, asthma and immune deficiencies. So we have public health insurance. The application process was stressful and mistakes and delays were even more stressful. The system is intrusive, but we do what they ask, provide what they need because the love of our family comes before pride. The season is changing, we are praying that our situation changes just a the temperature cool, the leaves fall and the days get shorter.
St. Joseph, foster father of Jesus, please continue to pray for us.

Red Lipstick

I grew up with my Mom wearing beautiful bright-colored lipsticks in the 70's and 80's. I loved wearing bright lipsticks when I was younger. When they went out of fashion, I had decided that my days of wearing red lipstick were over. Bright lips are in fashion again, but should a 44-year-old wear read lipstick? The thought of never wearing red lipstick again made me sad, so I bought some and I got to wear it twice before the kids used it for blood on a leftover Halloween decoration. I felt fabulous, if only for a couple of days. I know what the kids should get Momma for Christmas!

Welcome Home Frankie Francis

Frankie Francis (named for our beloved St. Francis of Assisi) has been with us for about two weeks. The Town Lake Animal Shelter was closing and moving across town so we thought it would be a good time to get a free dog. After three visits, numerous phone calls and messages, it became apparent that getting a suitable dog from Austin was not going to happen. Someone sent me a link to the shelter in San Antonio. They are not a no-kill shelter, like Austin, Their goal is 50% + 1. We saw a couple of dogs we liked,one was toy poodle, she was deemed "aggressive" and not available for adoption. I saw this cutie and could not believe that a beautiful dog like this was actually at a shelter and not already adopted. The online information said the Pomeranian was male, when we got there, the paperwork said the Pomeranian was a female and when we went to pick up the Pomeranian, we were told HE was a neutered male. He loves me, which is the most important thing AND he is house trained. He gets along well with Einstein (Smart Puppy). Initially, he barked and nipped at Hubby and Number Two Son, but he has adjusted to our home and is really very calm. He has a cold (AKA Kennel Cough), it has been two weeks so we are headed to the Vet tomorrow for treatment options. Bless his little canine heart, he has coughing spells during the night. Being the Momma that I am, I wake up every time he coughs. I hope he gets over this soon, it so tiring (and pitiful!).

My, how time flies…

Last month was a rough one for us. The same week we found out that a dear friend of Hubby’s was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor, we also found out that we had another miscarriage. Hubby and I were weepy, distracted and unfocused, both events distracting us from the other.

This time was very different, but still very sad. Friends have been very supportive, but we get the “What did you expect?” tone form family we have told. Yes, I am 44, but if God can bless us with a pregnancy, God can also bless us with a baby, if it is his will. We have no remains to bury this time, but we will have a stone, just like big sister’s at Our Lady of the Rosary Cemetery in Georgetown, Texas. We visited for Number Two Daughter’s birthday in October and I was touched by families that had 3-4 markers in the Remembrance Garden at the feet of Our Lady. God in his infinite wisdom prepared me even before I knew I was pregnant. Number Three Daughter is named Miriam Johanna.

Not quite two weeks after the miscarriage, the day before Thanksgiving, I was terribly ill. I had severe stomach pains, vomiting, dizziness and cold chills. I just knew it was a gallbladder attack. Hormones from the pregnancy and miscarriage plus my family history had me convinced. I couldn’t get an ultrasound for 6 days and the results were “normal.” So I do not have gallstones, but I am not convinced that it was not an attack, time will tell…

A prayer for Jim

Hubby's friend has brain cancer. Glioma wrapped around his brain stem. Terminal and not treatable. I really don't know what I expected when I heard he had fallen and had trouble with one side of his body. I thought "stroke," then he said "growth" on his brain and I thought, "My grandmother and aunt has brain tumors and it wasn't cancer and they recovered." Jim is going to be released from the hospital under hospice. He has a son, a few months older than ours and has been his custodial parent since his divorce in 2008. Hubby and I are very sad that his son won't have his father with him anymore. I see how friends and family have stepped in with our friends who lost their Dad in April. I pray that Jim's friends and family keep his memory alive for his son. I will pray every day that Our Lady Wraps her cloak around his son to love and protect him.




Most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honors and invokes you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, I am so helpless and alone. Make use I implore you, of that particular privilege given to you, to bring visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly - for the healing of Jim Ingman and his family, that I may praise God with you and all the elect forever.
I promise, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you. Amen.




Thank You for your prayers!

Did I Miss a Memo?
We had one of the best family days I can remember today at Schlitterbahn. Hubby tried for months to win us tickets and he finally did! We waited until this week to go because it has been so blazing hot in Texas. Since we do not have A/C in the old Blazer, I wear a bandana when I am driving to keep my naturally frizzy hair from standing up on it's ends. I "washed away the gray" a few days ago and I wanted to protect my hair from the sun and chlorine. I saw no one, not even a bald man, wearing a bandana. There were thousands of people so I guess, no matter how practical, people don't wear bandanas in 2011. I missed that memo and will still continue to wear my pretty white and black bandana.

HOT!

I thought that the little bit of rain we had today might have kept us below 100, nope.
While visiting Nana and Poppie this weekend, Nana and I were trying to remember the last heat wave in 1980. I think I have a good excuse for not remembering, I was in middle school. What do middle schoolers do in the summer? Sleep. We will keep praying for rain and praying that our beloved Texas recovers from this summer of 100+'s.

Lord God, in you we live and move and have our being. Help us in our present time of trouble, send us the rain we need, and teach us to seek your lasting help on the way to eternal life. We ask this through Christ our Lord.  St. Isidore the Farmer, pray for us and all who are in need of rain. Amen

St. Vitus Novena for Our Young Friend

We've just finished this Novena for a 7 year old friend with epilepsy.
Number One Son, this young man and his older brother prove that three
CAN be company. The past few months have been hard, more seizures
meant more medication which meant more side effects. Children can
verbalize that someone acts or behaves differently, but no matter what
we say, they are taking this change in behavior personally. In their
minds the only reason their friend isn't playing with them anymore is
because he doesn't want to. Number One Son is sad and so is this young man's brother. They are 18 months apart and best friends.

January brings hope and fear. Hope that planned surgery stops the
seizures and fear that this fiery little guy will have permanent
physical effects. Since I've worked with special needs children my
entire career, I know bad outcomes, I never see the good ones.

The Nonvena to St. Vitus helped give me peace of mind, I think I'll
keep saying it.

St. Vitus, glorious martyr of Christ; when you were young, you were
exposed to violent and dangerous temptations, but in the fear of God
and for the love of Jesus you victoriously overcame them.

St. Vitus, by the love of Jesus, assist me with your powerful
intercession to heal Your child of his epilipsey. Please give him
clear thinking, restored energy, full strength, restful sleep, calm
emotions, mindful communication and the grace of peace for his body.

O Jesus, Who hast said,
ask and you shall receive,
seek and you shall find,
knock and it shall be opened to you,
through the intercession of Mary,
Thy Most Holy Mother,
I knock, I seek,
I ask that my prayer be answered.

My Lord and my God! I offer up to You these prayers in union with the
bitter passion and death of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, together with
Mary, ever virgin, and of all the angels and saints, particularly with
prayers of St. Vitus, in whose honor I make this novena.

Look down upon me, merciful Lord! Grant this precious child of yours
peace, hope, grace and love and graciously hear my prayer. Amen

Nana's and Poppie's Dog had puppies!

Poppie found a very scared, hungry Jack Russell Terrier at his camp
ground last year. She is a very shy and hides most of the time. Nana's
long tongued Pomeranian loves her. She never really warmed up to
anyone but Nana's other dog. They found a home for her, with a little
girl to love her, but then she had puppies and never could house
train, so Nana and Poppie got her back. The little girl kept a puppy.
Well, she had four more puppies this week. Number One Daughter is so
excited! She loves snuggling puppies, kittens, dolls, stuffed animals,
Beanie Babies, etc... Hubby is threatening to sneak one home in his
shirt. He misses the personality of Little Dog. We will not be getting
a puppy, but maybe one of our friends will want one and we can visit it.

We love Girl Scouts!

I just returned from my first Girl Scout Camp-out. Number One Daughter
and I had such a nice time together. She didn't push boundaries, I
didn't lose my temper. She was focused, patient and brave. We spent
time with Girl Scouts and parents from our Church troops, it was a
lovely weekend.
Before going through the process to start a troop, I prayed,
researched, prayed and listened. I really felt called to Girl Scouts
USA. I loved my time as a Brownie, Junior and Cadette. I really don't
know why GSUSA has gotten so much bad press, but here is some
information about what has been in the news over the past year:

Not all the information on the Internet is accurate, and that our
organizational integrity is at stake when we fail to properly
investigate allegations--The National Federation for Catholic Youth
Ministry

Here is the official GSUSA statement regarding Planned Parenthood:

" GSUSA does not provide any financial support to Planned Parenthood,
nor do we have any national collaboration or relationship with that
organization. We believe issues related to health and sexuality are
private matters for girls and their families"

3/12/10
We have been alerted about negative article that is circulating in a
national religious publication in which allegations were made about a
United Nations meeting involving the World Association of Girl Scouts
and Girl Guides.

GSUSA is aware of this situation and has assured us that this article
is a complete misrepresentation of the facts. See below for GSUSA
response.

"We are very disturbed and disappointed about the article. We have
been assured by our national organization that this article is a gross
misrepresentation of the facts. Girl Scouts of the USA is actively
investigating the situation and will be preparing a Girl Scout
position statement.

The mission of the Girl Scout program is to build girls of courage,
confidence, and character, who make the world a better place. It is
not the role of Girl Scouting to take a position on issues such as
abortion, birth control, sex education, etc. Our membership is a cross-
section of America's diversity with regard to religious opinions and
practices. We believe these matters are best decided by girls and
their families.

In some areas of the country, depending on community norms and in
response to requests, Girl Scout troops or groups may hold discussions
about human sexuality. In all instances, the topic is discussed from
an informative rather than advocacy point of view. Participation in
these discussions is totally optional, and each girl who participates
must provide written consent from her parent or guardian.

3/15/10
Girl Scouts of the USA (GSUSA)

This week, an online publication by the Catholic Family and Human
Rights Institute alleged that Girl Scouts, by participating in an
event at the United Nations earlier this month, helped to distribute
Planned Parenthood information as a part of the experience. We had
adults and GSUSA media staff on the ground at the event and know this
information to be false. We took steps to ensure that our fact-finding
was comprehensive and complete, and we are communicating with you so
that you have up-to-date information in the event you receive
inquiries surrounding this issue.

Here are some top-line facts of the event in question:

On Wednesday, March 3, GSUSA, UNICEF's Working Group on Girls, Girls
Learn International, and The Grail jointly hosted a Young Women's
Caucus at the 54th Session of the Commission on the Status of Women at
the United Nations. The Caucus was a group conversation conducted to
formulate the Girls' Statement—a document that seeks to draw the
attention of world leaders to key issues affecting girls around the
world.

The Girls Only Workshop that Girl Scouts of the USA co-sponsored at
the event was supervised by adults and included no distribution of any
brochure or collateral of any kind. The only participants were adults
from GSUSA, Girls Learn International and The Grail, as well as 30-35
teenage girls. The event involved groups of girls, sitting in circles
with adult supervision, developing language for the document. No
materials were handed out. From the perspective of the GSUSA media
staff member who attended the Caucus, there was no involvement
whatsoever by Planned Parenthood.

The Girl Scout organization does not take a position on family
planning. Our membership is a cross-section of America with regard to
opinions on religious and social issues and practices. We believe
these matters are best decided by girls and their families.

The Girl Scout organization has no affiliation with any political
organization.

3/16/10
Update on Girl Scouts and the United Nations from GSUSA

Earlier this month, Girl Scouts of the USA (GSUSA) was honored to
attend and participate in the 54th Commission on the Status of Women
at the United Nations, where girls were encouraged to take action on
global issues concerning women and girls. Our participation in that
conference was recently the subject of numerous internet stories and
blogs that are factually inaccurate and troubling. Here are the facts
of that meeting:

The Girls Only Workshop was jointly hosted by Girl Scouts of the USA,
UNICEF's Working Group on Girls, Girls Learn International and The
Grail. The meeting was only open to the girls and participating
sponsors.

Only seven adults were in the room at the time of the meeting, each
representing one of the sponsors of the event. No one from Catholic
Family & Human Rights Institute was in the room to report on the event.

30 – 35 girls from across the world participated in this event. All
teenagers.

The girls received a copy of the only document they were working on
titled "The Girls' Statement". No other documents were given to
the girls as part of this event.

The room in question was also used to host other events over the
course of the multi-day conference. Prior to our girls entering the
room, we did not "sanitize' the room to ensure that no trash or
other items were left behind. We did request that those not associated
with the sponsors leave the room prior to our session.

The Girl Scouts of the USA was not contacted by Catholic Family &
Human Rights Institute (C-FAM) regarding its initial story to discuss
the facts of this event. Had they applied these basic journalistic
standards, perhaps the true details of this event would have been
reported.

Our Mission in Girl Scouting is to build girls of courage, confidence
and character, who make the world a better place. We continue to be
proud of our girls and look forward to showing the world what our
girls can do. We thank everyone for their support of Girl Scouting.

3/18/10
The National Federation for Catholic Youth Ministry has issued the
following in support of Girl Scouts:
In the last several days NFCYM has received inquiries about a meeting
at the United Nations with Girl Scouts of the USA and whether or not
Girl Scouts of the USA distributed offensive material to girls. Our
practice, as an organization, is to investigate such matters by going
directly to the source involved. Therefore we contacted GSUSA and they
have officially offered the statement below [statement is above as
3/16/10 update.] Please share this with those in your diocese who have
voiced any concerns with you. This is a good reminder that at times we
can be quick to render judgment without fact, that not all information
offered on the Internet is accurate, and that our organizational
integrity is at stake when we fail to properly investigate allegations.

"Pray, Hope, and Don't Worry!"
--St. Padre Pio

Creatures of Habit?

Our pets go through phases about where they sleep. Smart Puppy always sleeps with Hubby, but I think he'd sleep in my bed if I let him. Red dog sleeps in her crate, but would probably sleep with Hubby if he let her. The cats are an entirely different story. Calico kitty prefers to sleep on Number Two Son's chest or face, but some days she is in the window, behind the computer with Hubby, in the baby bed or under the bed. Hubby's cat almost always sleeps with Hubby unless Smart Puppy gives him a hard time or the door gets closed before he gets in the room. This week, I found him on my feet and he slept next to the kids, which he hasn't done since they were babies. He's back with Hubby now, I think it has something to do with a bottle of coriander oil getting poured out in my room. It smells nice, but STRONG! Kids' cat goes between sleeping with Number One Son (a big no-no) to my room, to Hubby's room. Yesterday, all of the pets (except Red Dog) were in bed with Hubby. No one would have stayed asleep if I had let her join the slumber party, she hates cats, especially Calico kitty, Hubby says it is a girl-thing.