Another Sad Mother’s Day

For the past several years, Mother's Day has been filled with overwhelming sadness. I can't quite figure out the source of my sadness.
I am more of a gift-of-service person than anything else, so I am usually very happy when the kids clean the kitchen and make me cards. I ask for a clean kitchen or good church behavior for my birthday and mother's day. I did hint that I wanted New baking racks and a canister set, but suggested it for my birthday. I don't think it isn't because I didn't "get" anything. Yesterday, Number One Son rode his bike to H-E-B and bought me three doughnuts and cleaned the kitchen and took care of the entire set of cast iron. I got sweet cards from Number One Daughter, Number Two Son and Rainbow Baby. My MIL sent me a sweet musical e card and FaceBook was filled with greetings and Mother's Day Love. I talked to my Mom for almost an hour on the phone. I miss her, we haven't been able to visit because the Suburban has transmission problems and my spare tire is flat.
Yesterday, at Mass, our baby Priest talked asked for prayers for mothers of miscarried babies, babies lost to abortion and those struggling with infertility. I wonder if my sadness has to do with the children I didn't get to "mother?"
I guess I have to be ok with not knowing, this is hard, but I've had lots of practice.

Cap 2K!

Number One Son swam the #Cap2K last week.
He has almost always been "The Little Engine That Could" when it comes to swimming.
The night before the swim, I was reflecting on one of his first experiences in the swimming pool. He was wearing a white bucket hat, lots of sunscreen and turquoise baby swim trunks. He jumped right out of my arms and SANK! He had no protective mechanism at all!! I grabbed him right away but it felt like it was happening in slow motion. He had 3 summers of swim lessons and the next year, we bought him a snorkel mask and snorkel and that summer he could swim non-stop for hours. The next summer, we practiced swimming with goggles and no snorkel and put him on the City of Austin Swim Team. Summer League Swim team has been so good for him. He still struggles with dyspraxia, but he has figured out how to swim efficiently, slow and steady.
As he swam under us, an overwhelming sense of relief and pride overtook me, I couldn't talk, I just wanted to race down to the finish line to see him and congratulate him for a job well done.